LUCKY DEBELLEVUE

What I Did During A Pandemic

I looked out my window a lot

I made a tomato tart

I fixed a kitchen cabinet door that had been off its hinges for years

I framed two posters with frames I already had, one from an art school in Maine where I gave a talk, and one from an exhibition I had at a museum in Sweden twenty years ago

I made a small sculpture

I got groceries delivered a few times, then I started to getting groceries myself

I thought about what I was having for lunch and dinner a lot, but I always did that 

I put all the bed sheets in the same place together 

I put all the blankets in the same place together 

I watched a pigeon build a nest on my fire escape with her partner bringing her twigs, watched the baby bird hatch, and grow up a bit, hopping around on the fire escape

I was happy realizing that life and nature always continues somehow, apart from human beings

I looked at the fire escape one morning and saw that they all flew away

I rearranged my apartment for what seemed like the hundredth time, it took a couple of weeks

I changed my bed from facing south to facing north, because I thought it was better for my head to be in the direction of the North Pole and I had better luck when it faced north, but read online that facing north does not bring good luck, in fact the opposite, but going against the grain usually works for me 

I bought Frette sheets on sale

I didn’t feel bad pampering myself, even if I might need that money later, I’ve always regretted the thing I didn’t buy

I had a music hour from 5 to 6 PM for a while

I sometimes danced by myself

I tried to do 15 pushups every day, but wasn’t always successful

I verbalized three things I was thankful for every day

I wondered what the art world would become

I wondered if there would be a place for me in it after things returned to normal, whatever that was 

I wondered If I cared

I fantasized about shifting to another career, but then realized it might be too late for that

I went on walks, always trying to put a lot of space between myself and other people, so it usually wasn’t relaxing 

I noticed a lot more homeless people in makeshift encampments on the streets

I worried if something was even slightly wrong with me health wise

I wondered if I had fever

I became the opposite of being someone who thinks one needs to make friends with germs

I thought I was in hell when I was awakened at 2AM by fireworks that sounded like bombs

I gave a few bucks to political campaigns

I called my senator

I drank a lot of wine

I watched protesters marching from my window

I forgot how many days it had been since I took a bath, maybe 3?

I had therapy by phone

I paced around my apartment a lot, like a caged tiger

I was glad my downstairs neighbor was away, because of my pacing, rearranging, and dancing, but then they returned after a couple of months 

I went to a free social distancing yoga class in the East River Park

I met with friends at beaches and their backyards a few times

I took the subway once, and after one stop, an announcement came on that it was out of service

I biked over bridges

I finished a book, then started another

I read a review of an exhibition I was in, and thought the reviewer contextualized my work in an interesting way

I fantasized about living in the country with lots of land, animals, a vegetable patch, maybe a pool

I told myself to be productive and make a plan for the future

I did nothing sometimes, and sometimes felt guilty about it, but mostly didn’t

I wrote down in a notebook tasks to do for the next day, and tried to have a regular schedule 

I noticed I gained weight

I got mad sometimes when outside at people not wearing masks or social distancing enough, and a couple of times when someone yelled loudly near me in my direction when not wearing a mask, I wanted to kill them 

I watched Death in Venice again, and forgot that part of the plot that dealt with a plague 

I chipped the veneer on my front tooth badly when biting down on an olive pit

I started commenting on an online forum, which I never did before

I think I did this to feel a sense of community

I felt the gulf between me and the world that I always felt, but now it was more acute

I bought some nice paper, made in Montreal, and already had colored pencils and a tin of watercolors which I hadn’t used in years, so decided to use them for something

I started to make works of stills from Fassbinder films

Lucky DeBellevue is a New York based artist. For over 20 years he has participated in both group and solo exhibitions throughout the US and internationally.